Hey guys sorry I’ve been absent and unable to post on the blog..
I’m also posting today to apologize to the wonderful guys running Shock Stock for breaking their trust.
You see, I was left in charge of some photos taken a few weeks back of a ‘lady of the night’ who was modeling Ultimate Bob’s new SS2012 tee shirt. I took the photos home and, well, I fell in love with Connie Clamshell (said model)..
The first few days I didn’t leave my basement. I went through my entire collection of vintage lubricants, and I locked the door so my mom couldn’t get any laundry done for the whole house. It was a beautiful shame I felt.
Last weekend, exhausted and dry, I made a life choice to track down the woman of my dreams and went to the East court to find her.
Sitting in a puddle, legs wide open, I gazed at the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I approached her and to my delight she remembered who I was! She even remembered the nickname James gave me at the photo shoot!
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot, pencil-dick” she whispered in my ear and I knew right away that everything I knew in my heart was true!
Connie told me about how she wanted me, and about how I wasn’t like the dozens of men she meets with every week. I was different. And she told me she loved me!
Also, because of her bad back, she asked that I give her $1500 a night so she could get an orthopedic heart shaped bed to sleep on at the hotel.
It’s the first time I’d ever cared this much about a woman outside of a chat room, so obviously I had to oblige.
So, I took money from the Shock Stock account.
I’m sorry, and I hope I don’t get fired over this. Hopefully if I can get some of you to buy these shirts that Connie was modeling I could convince the guys to let me continue to work for them.
You can buy them by emailing SHOCK STOCK SLEAZE SHOP — limited quantities left!